Lost in a World of Transition

Searching for my soul, lost in a life that’s not mine
Desperately seeking those moments at the turns
Tired by what I supposed to do …
Tired by what I meant to do ……..
Tired by what I want to do …….
Close my eyes , take a deep breadth
There are so many things i regret yet do not regret
Who am I ?
Is this who I am ?
Is this who I want to be ?
Stare into space and wander the corners of my mind
Every word ..every thought …every experience
I’m lost ….

Phases 1-Rollercoaster Ride

Its strange the phases we go through in life
One minuite low and the next one high
‘tis been a rollercoaster for me this year
High-low-high , lost something in there

It started in Jan fresh and new ,
My ‘a friend’ moved home, n life it changed.
Day in day out and into the night ,
Together always, by each others side..

Off every morning we used to run for the train ,
Meet again for lunch and in evening again,
Pack our bags soon, hurry lets move…
If we don’t leave now, movie n dinner is screwed

On the other side another friend waits ,
He pushes for the answer , though knows it too late
‘Tis moments in time that so soon changed
Crushed his heart for the same guy again ..

‘Tis March and April ‘a friend’ and I still goin strong,
It seems as if nothing could go wrong …
And time she passes and old habits die hard ..
Up-down-up-down the rollercoaster starts..

Fast forward to end july 19th in fact..
Got a fast track from ‘a friend’ the sweetest thought...
We went for a movie after browsing round the mall
Gift wrapped and stuff, till the end of it all…

Fast forward to 7th Aug , I’m out of the city on work ,
Come home soon , will take an early flight too, so we can meet up
‘tis been a month since we last met..
Yet on the phone constantly in touch ..

Goodmornings –goodnights and all that jazz
No different from being here , it still has its charm ..
Hurry , hurry hurry I told you leave soon,
I’m staying awake , come to my room ..

Why didn’t you leave, we could have caught a movie and dinner
Took an early fight so we could be together..
Foolish little me, thought I had all the time in the world ..
Did know that the next day what I would overhear..

We met in the room and chatted for 10 (mins)
Also planned to make up for the lost moments spent ..
The next day we did Mc Donalds and a movie ..
‘Love Aj Kal’ resting on each others shoulder…

Went to hug him before left for home 8th afternoon..
Don’t get so senti will be back in two months nah ..
You know I’m goin for work project management stuff
Gonna meet up with Rahul so he can teach me this thing..

9th Aug , we spoke in the morning and something seemed strange ,
We fought a bit and I called back to apologise for the same
A missed answered phone ..in a pocket it moved …
Bits and pieces I remember is what I heard

Few words in English .. (hmm that very strange ..)
Hes home right now , why not marathi again ?
Phone shuffling in his pocket .. am I becoming deaf? ..
Thought I heard him say getting engaged to Trupti and all the rest

This must be wrong …couldn’t have got that right ,,
He would have something when we were together Friday night ..
He said he’ll be back all casual n stuff..
Hes there to meet Rahul for some project management crap ..

I go on listening .. I hear her name …
I must be dreaming or goin insane …
A missed call on her cell..
A number I saved long ago .

I call once from my dialer , she answers the phone ..
The sound in the back , it seems vaguely familiar..
I call again …I think I’m sure …
The 3rd missed call and hes answered the phone

My heart has just stopped by his voice alone …
I hold it inside me and peep not a word ..
Disconnecting the call I’m in zombie world
…………………………………………..


I pull my self together , some unfinished business..
I call from my normal phone like nothing had happened
I tell him I need it back , its urgent and stuff ..
He acts like hes worried and gets worked up ..

What happened ? tell me nah ..
He lays a lecture on me on how close we are ..
How can you not tell me after all we been through ?
I hold back my tears … if he only knew I knew…

Post that day I lost it .. became psychotic and all
I could see my self falling …I could see it all..
I’ve changed .. I’ve changed a lot from that day ..
Few good mostly bad , Phases in life sometimes make you that way ……………….

Fastrack- Move On!!

Irony of the Advertisement- So we got closer n closer n closer n closer n closer … too close!!! .. Fastrack watches now in a new range .. move on !!

Got a ‘Fastrack’ on Sunday,

A gift from “a friend”,

Its classy n chick n I love it,

It’s the most thoughtful present.

On Mon ‘twas thinking if I should wear it,

Or put it in the showcase instead,

Never worn such an expensive watch before,

Then I remember what the presenter said …

“You used to wear a watch before

And your wrists’ been bare for sometime now”

“Yeah my old one got spoilt in Goa”, said I

We smiled cause we both knew how …

“I thought bout buying it for a long time since,

Today, you could choose a 20% off one as well”

So I’ve given up on logic n reason

Good Decision?- I’m hoping time will tell…

And when I look at my watch each day,

I can’t help myself …. I smile,

And cherish the moments we spend together,

Even if its just a short while….

Suicide Pill ...

Walkin along the road today ,
Walkin , walking, can’t find my way

Up and down on these streets I tread
People passing by, I losing my head

Decisions, decisions!! are all I hear these days
Say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ …or be blown away

Confounding confusion ,oh bloodly hell
What life am I living, am I under a spell ?

For what I want I cannot get,
And what I do I may regret.



(I’m trying to right the wrong of past,
Hoping somehow to make this one last .
I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t say ‘Yes’,
Its not fair he pays, for what rightly my mess.
I wish I had more time, I wish he understood,
But how can I ask that, when I never could…)

The Train (Onward journey)

One highlight of our day is the local train
Its so convient , yet such a pain !!

He calls me every morning
Says come over soon ..
“Hurry !! Hurry !! Hurry !!
Or the rickshaw’ll move”

Out I dart, and over to his place,
1 sec away, but to me it’s a race,

Running from his house, to the bus stop on the road,
Bouncing along, are our heavy loads,

“Sharing Hai Bhaisabh ?”, to the ricks passing by,
(Finally!!) Our usual guy stops with a smiling hi,

“Whats the time ?” says he , as I look at my watch,
“Chill ray nut , 5 mins still left on the clock” ,

Jump outta the rick, and dart up the stairs,
Run Run Run !,-are our morning prayers,

We’ve reached the platform, its 8:48,
Find your compartment fast, or its gonna be late,

Jumped in at 8:50 , at :51 she starts,
Now search for our seat – (Oh our pounding hearts!!)

Sitting in the train, stare at things in out path,
People doing stuff, for their own morning start,

Half an hour up and the journey is over,
Ooops must have dozed off (thank god!!)no drool on my shoulder,

Step out of the train , greet each other again ,
Off to our jobs as the morning journey ends….