Animal Instinct

We come from em animals some might say
No such thing proclaim others and join the debate 

Who is right and who is wrong ?
Let's do this logically and ponder on

Look Up, look down, look all around,
Map emotions in our lives

Do we see what we want to see,
Or do we dispell the disguise?

Can we run? can we hide?
Can we douce this carnal instinct inside?

It's all about the choices we make
It's all about us deciding our fate

And Moksha isn't that hard to attain
Just be aware of the animal in you everyday

Compromise

I never really understood this word, which lead me to contemplate

Is compromise really so bad, isn’t it just a choice we make?

Do we settle for less than what we want or do we decide our own fate?

What is it about compromise that sometimes gets people irate?

I don’t subscribe to the philosophy of the glass half full or empty

But rather the realist who adds a peg, says cheers and drinks to life

If there is something you truly want or believe in then one would never compromise

So how significant is our want or belief, we need to analyze

Sometimes a compromise isn’t really a compromise ..

 

Just Because
 

Just because I don't smile, doesn't mean I'm not happy
Just because I don't laugh, doesn't mean I don't find something funny
Just because I don't say I care about you, doesn't mean I don't love you
Just because I don't cry, doesn't mean that i'm not hurt
Just because... Just because... Just because
So if I smile don't assume I'm happy
For I never let my feelings show
If you want to truly know what's inside me
Just ask me if things are so...

The Voyage – Part 1

Embarked upon a voyage last week,

Travelled with a sailor that day..

I’ve heard the saying, one at every port,

Sure didn’t feel that way..

Arrived at our destination,

Early in the morn..

Moments of the night before,

Still seemed to linger on..

My father had questioned me,

The sailor had done that too..

‘Twas scared of what the two might say,

Based on what they think they knew..

But pleasantries with quickly over,

Within a second or a flash of one..

All that stress over nothing,

The introduction was finally done..

Bidding farewell, we parted ways,

And to our homes we went..

Within minutes of our arrival

Messages were sent …..

Few things then were very apparent,

(We were) Either bored or missed each other like hell..

So we met that evening as we now planned

And everything went more than just well..

Best sea food dinner on beach ,

Clubbing after, into the night..

As we on back to his place,

Our arms 'round each other were tight..

Questions , questions on my mind .. Answers that I can’t define..

Hate the way I’m feelin ..

Hate this way of dealin …

Questions , questions on my mind ..

Answers that I can’t define ..

Can’t do things the right way..

Guess I never could…

Complications the only constant …

My life ever understood..

Hate the way I’m feelin ..

Hate this way of dealin ..

Questions , questions on my mind ..

Answers that I can’t define ..

I try so hard at times …

I try too much I think …

And then I go on the other extreme..

Emotions always outta sync ..

Hate the way I’m feelin …

Hate this way of dealin …

Questions , questions on my mind ..

Answers that I can’t define ..

Is this how its supposed to feel ?...

How do I know if this is real ?...

Questions , questions on my mind ..

Answers that I can’t define …

Our Eyes They Meet

Went to a fete today,
There all on my own ..
Met a couple of friends,
Could see we all have grown ..

Husbands, wives, sons and daughters,
Everyone with someone..
And as I gazed at a passer by,
God I missed you hon..

Staring into space I turned my head,
And suddenly across the field..
Like two strangers in a love story,
Our eyes they suddenly meet ...

Round and Round

Round and round my heads a spinning,
Thoughts and thoughts they flow..
Don’t have the answers to the questions I’m asking,
Riddles and riddles are all I know..

Sleeping late at night and up early next morning,
Exhaustion lullaby puts my brain to rest
Can’t really stop this anxious feeling
How did this turn into such a mess ?

Round and round my heads a spin ,
Thoughts and thoughts they flow
Don’t have the answers to the questions I’m asking
Riddles and riddles are all I know

Enjoying the moments

Life’s been different for quite a while
Fleeting moments the constant these days
A different outlook, a different perspective
Living life in a whole new way

In and out is what I do now
News faces and places I see
In this tizzy of elated feelings
These moments have set me free

Don’t know how, the world she works
Or why things happen this way
All I know is this wonderful feeling
And I’ll enjoy it while it stays

Surreal Moments

I woke up this mornin with smile upon my face

And a feeling I could not explain

Though blood shot eyes and dark circles existed

What I felt on the inside was great

Gazed out the window , at the sky above

Grey clouds still the colour of the day

Turned my head back on the pillow n closed my eyes

And the memories began to play

Tossed out of bed with much effort

Hoping not to end the dream

I’m so used to seeing those places and faces

Its just one of those fairy tale scenes

Stepped out of my house and down came a shower

Looked up at sky and drops that fell

So used to the rain and being wet these 3 days

I was under the non-umbrella spell

Off to the office, like a zombie on the road

I wished the weekend didn’t end

I’m really missing those surreal moments

And all my new found friends

The Other Woman

We’ve always bitched about the other woman
Sometimes more often than not
How can a person be so cruel
To never given the original a thought ?

I’ve always hated the other woman
She’s led him on too in a way
How can she play this cat and mouse game
Has she no idea of what the original will face ?

This other woman is selfish ,
Thinks of no one but herself..
Destroying anothers life ..
God this woman definitely needs help ..

I often blamed the other woman
And all the trouble she creates
Its weird to now think about it
I’m the other woman today !!!

Lost in a World of Transition

Searching for my soul, lost in a life that’s not mine
Desperately seeking those moments at the turns
Tired by what I supposed to do …
Tired by what I meant to do ……..
Tired by what I want to do …….
Close my eyes , take a deep breadth
There are so many things i regret yet do not regret
Who am I ?
Is this who I am ?
Is this who I want to be ?
Stare into space and wander the corners of my mind
Every word ..every thought …every experience
I’m lost ….

Phases 1-Rollercoaster Ride

Its strange the phases we go through in life
One minuite low and the next one high
‘tis been a rollercoaster for me this year
High-low-high , lost something in there

It started in Jan fresh and new ,
My ‘a friend’ moved home, n life it changed.
Day in day out and into the night ,
Together always, by each others side..

Off every morning we used to run for the train ,
Meet again for lunch and in evening again,
Pack our bags soon, hurry lets move…
If we don’t leave now, movie n dinner is screwed

On the other side another friend waits ,
He pushes for the answer , though knows it too late
‘Tis moments in time that so soon changed
Crushed his heart for the same guy again ..

‘Tis March and April ‘a friend’ and I still goin strong,
It seems as if nothing could go wrong …
And time she passes and old habits die hard ..
Up-down-up-down the rollercoaster starts..

Fast forward to end july 19th in fact..
Got a fast track from ‘a friend’ the sweetest thought...
We went for a movie after browsing round the mall
Gift wrapped and stuff, till the end of it all…

Fast forward to 7th Aug , I’m out of the city on work ,
Come home soon , will take an early flight too, so we can meet up
‘tis been a month since we last met..
Yet on the phone constantly in touch ..

Goodmornings –goodnights and all that jazz
No different from being here , it still has its charm ..
Hurry , hurry hurry I told you leave soon,
I’m staying awake , come to my room ..

Why didn’t you leave, we could have caught a movie and dinner
Took an early fight so we could be together..
Foolish little me, thought I had all the time in the world ..
Did know that the next day what I would overhear..

We met in the room and chatted for 10 (mins)
Also planned to make up for the lost moments spent ..
The next day we did Mc Donalds and a movie ..
‘Love Aj Kal’ resting on each others shoulder…

Went to hug him before left for home 8th afternoon..
Don’t get so senti will be back in two months nah ..
You know I’m goin for work project management stuff
Gonna meet up with Rahul so he can teach me this thing..

9th Aug , we spoke in the morning and something seemed strange ,
We fought a bit and I called back to apologise for the same
A missed answered phone ..in a pocket it moved …
Bits and pieces I remember is what I heard

Few words in English .. (hmm that very strange ..)
Hes home right now , why not marathi again ?
Phone shuffling in his pocket .. am I becoming deaf? ..
Thought I heard him say getting engaged to Trupti and all the rest

This must be wrong …couldn’t have got that right ,,
He would have something when we were together Friday night ..
He said he’ll be back all casual n stuff..
Hes there to meet Rahul for some project management crap ..

I go on listening .. I hear her name …
I must be dreaming or goin insane …
A missed call on her cell..
A number I saved long ago .

I call once from my dialer , she answers the phone ..
The sound in the back , it seems vaguely familiar..
I call again …I think I’m sure …
The 3rd missed call and hes answered the phone

My heart has just stopped by his voice alone …
I hold it inside me and peep not a word ..
Disconnecting the call I’m in zombie world
…………………………………………..


I pull my self together , some unfinished business..
I call from my normal phone like nothing had happened
I tell him I need it back , its urgent and stuff ..
He acts like hes worried and gets worked up ..

What happened ? tell me nah ..
He lays a lecture on me on how close we are ..
How can you not tell me after all we been through ?
I hold back my tears … if he only knew I knew…

Post that day I lost it .. became psychotic and all
I could see my self falling …I could see it all..
I’ve changed .. I’ve changed a lot from that day ..
Few good mostly bad , Phases in life sometimes make you that way ……………….

Fastrack- Move On!!

Irony of the Advertisement- So we got closer n closer n closer n closer n closer … too close!!! .. Fastrack watches now in a new range .. move on !!

Got a ‘Fastrack’ on Sunday,

A gift from “a friend”,

Its classy n chick n I love it,

It’s the most thoughtful present.

On Mon ‘twas thinking if I should wear it,

Or put it in the showcase instead,

Never worn such an expensive watch before,

Then I remember what the presenter said …

“You used to wear a watch before

And your wrists’ been bare for sometime now”

“Yeah my old one got spoilt in Goa”, said I

We smiled cause we both knew how …

“I thought bout buying it for a long time since,

Today, you could choose a 20% off one as well”

So I’ve given up on logic n reason

Good Decision?- I’m hoping time will tell…

And when I look at my watch each day,

I can’t help myself …. I smile,

And cherish the moments we spend together,

Even if its just a short while….

Suicide Pill ...

Walkin along the road today ,
Walkin , walking, can’t find my way

Up and down on these streets I tread
People passing by, I losing my head

Decisions, decisions!! are all I hear these days
Say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ …or be blown away

Confounding confusion ,oh bloodly hell
What life am I living, am I under a spell ?

For what I want I cannot get,
And what I do I may regret.



(I’m trying to right the wrong of past,
Hoping somehow to make this one last .
I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t say ‘Yes’,
Its not fair he pays, for what rightly my mess.
I wish I had more time, I wish he understood,
But how can I ask that, when I never could…)

The Train (Onward journey)

One highlight of our day is the local train
Its so convient , yet such a pain !!

He calls me every morning
Says come over soon ..
“Hurry !! Hurry !! Hurry !!
Or the rickshaw’ll move”

Out I dart, and over to his place,
1 sec away, but to me it’s a race,

Running from his house, to the bus stop on the road,
Bouncing along, are our heavy loads,

“Sharing Hai Bhaisabh ?”, to the ricks passing by,
(Finally!!) Our usual guy stops with a smiling hi,

“Whats the time ?” says he , as I look at my watch,
“Chill ray nut , 5 mins still left on the clock” ,

Jump outta the rick, and dart up the stairs,
Run Run Run !,-are our morning prayers,

We’ve reached the platform, its 8:48,
Find your compartment fast, or its gonna be late,

Jumped in at 8:50 , at :51 she starts,
Now search for our seat – (Oh our pounding hearts!!)

Sitting in the train, stare at things in out path,
People doing stuff, for their own morning start,

Half an hour up and the journey is over,
Ooops must have dozed off (thank god!!)no drool on my shoulder,

Step out of the train , greet each other again ,
Off to our jobs as the morning journey ends….

Disclaimer for me!!

I wrote a mail to my ex today … a retaliation in a sense to mail sent by him ..decided to post a part of it cause I guess its true and funny as such and those friends who don’t know all the guidelines … here is an official disclaimer* to knowing me

There are a few things you may still not know about me , which I guess is my fault cause you got in the easy way the first time round ....YES I'M TOO MUCH ....
These are some of the guidelines for knowing me, all my friends know them:-
a) when i give respect i expect to get it back
b) i don't like being ordered
c) i will give you a frank opinion when you need to hear it .. no matter what the outcome
d) i love my friends to bits and they know i'll always have their back
e) this does not exclude the fact that i will slap them in their faces when they act like asses and i expect the same from them ...
f) screw me one, twice , thrice ... the fourth time be prepared for war
g) i can be very annoying and demanding at times , but i do make up for it by being sweet, understanding and accomodating as well
h) i will always be there for anyone who really needs me all days 24*7 , but i do expect them to be there at least 24*1 in 365 days
i) don't hurt the people i care about ... i may not always fight , but i will when i need to
j) don't try and understand me .. all you'll get is a migrane or worse .. most of the times i don't understand myself or know where my life is going
k) i don't have the best advice , i make things up as i go along and try to learn from everyones experiences ... that doesn't mean that its crap either ... most times it spot on ...
l) when dealin with me .... imagine your life if i did not exist in it ...if its better, then please eliminate me from yours immediately .... i really don't wanna be responsible for screwed up lives ....
m) finally be prepared for anything when you know me... i guarantee one heck of a ride if nothing else .....

Now you think not just once ... over n over if you must before say another word ...

* disclaimer is subject to additions

What If ??? !!! ;-)

What if our lives were an open book?
And everyone could peek and have a look…

What if little secrets, aren’t as little as they seem?
And people realise it’s a horrible dream …

What if I met a stranger today?
And find out I knew her in a different way …

What if I’m no longer who I am?
And what you see is only a sham …

What if we open doors that we always shut ?
And I wonder what we’ll find all locked up …

What if , what if is my moto these days…
What if what if is the game I play….

Coffee Shop Boy !!!

Once upon a time, met a coffee shop boy …

Coffees I see were his weapons of choice…

Poor little guests, high on caffeine they are…

Unsuspecting souls, to the coffee shop power…

Caffine , more caffine please !!!!

Let me hide the deceptions in reality ..

Stories and lies and alibi’s….

Covered in choco rum ..sweet words and surprises …

Coffee shop boy , I sometimes feel sorry for you …

But then I see again, you do same things with someone new …

Coffee shop boy don’t you feel bad …

Is this the kind of life you wish to have ?

Tell the truth, face the consequences of the lies..

Someday you’ll find, you’ll make the peace inside…

I know you were hurt once long ago..

So were many of us, if you need to know!!!

Its hard I realise to find your way …

When this is what you’re accustomed to these days..

Don’t you want a better life??

A freer one devoid of lies!!!

Do what you have to, to break away..

Start afresh and mend your ways…

Change your name, change your life…

Leave the city, (trust me) you’ll be alright…

I know you well, little coffee boy …

Will let you in on a secret…

I once played game of truth and lies …

PS: Don't think you can pull me back with my book... any untruth makes the rope weaker ...

Note:- This is a post that should have been uploaded in May'08 , though I don't think it makes a difference even if its late...

Losing heart to reality …..

Verse 1
Walking down the sub way today
She kept looking down she stared away
She’s not the girl she used to be..
Seems to be losing heart to reality...

She stands at the station
Waits for the morning train ..
The life she leads, a constant strain ..
Seems to be losing heart to reality …

The train pulls in, she pushes and jumps,
Feels like garbage now, in a garbage dump..
Shoving, choking, need air to breathe..
Seems to be losing heart to reality…

Verse 2
The people she sees
The places she goes
Face upon faces
None of them show

Murals on walls
Penned lines in old diaries
Dreams long ago
Buried secrets, for no one to know

Answers !!!

The answers we look for, we sometimes find in the strangest places.

An epiphany they call it, sudden enlightenment in one moment

What do we do? Do we have the strength to see things we don’t want to?

How hard is the first step? Tough as hell,..right? How important is it ?

We never really understand the values of asking the small questions …

We never really it till we ask them … till we answer them honestly ….

Sometimes we realize that once they are answered ….we need to walk..

Only we can control what we feel , we need to make tough choices ….

Do we walk?...do we just settle for something else, other that what we hoped for? ..

Will settling be settling at all...when the day is through…do we take a chance?

Never look back .... though we turned back many times before...

When to we make these decisions? … Maybe we need to start from today..

‘Carpe Diem’ – we always wait to seize the day ….

The longer we wait …the longer we hide ….

We know its time …when we learn…

Compromise because we want …

Not because we are trained to ….