Suicide Pill ...

Walkin along the road today ,
Walkin , walking, can’t find my way

Up and down on these streets I tread
People passing by, I losing my head

Decisions, decisions!! are all I hear these days
Say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ …or be blown away

Confounding confusion ,oh bloodly hell
What life am I living, am I under a spell ?

For what I want I cannot get,
And what I do I may regret.



(I’m trying to right the wrong of past,
Hoping somehow to make this one last .
I don’t want to lose him, but I can’t say ‘Yes’,
Its not fair he pays, for what rightly my mess.
I wish I had more time, I wish he understood,
But how can I ask that, when I never could…)

The Train (Onward journey)

One highlight of our day is the local train
Its so convient , yet such a pain !!

He calls me every morning
Says come over soon ..
“Hurry !! Hurry !! Hurry !!
Or the rickshaw’ll move”

Out I dart, and over to his place,
1 sec away, but to me it’s a race,

Running from his house, to the bus stop on the road,
Bouncing along, are our heavy loads,

“Sharing Hai Bhaisabh ?”, to the ricks passing by,
(Finally!!) Our usual guy stops with a smiling hi,

“Whats the time ?” says he , as I look at my watch,
“Chill ray nut , 5 mins still left on the clock” ,

Jump outta the rick, and dart up the stairs,
Run Run Run !,-are our morning prayers,

We’ve reached the platform, its 8:48,
Find your compartment fast, or its gonna be late,

Jumped in at 8:50 , at :51 she starts,
Now search for our seat – (Oh our pounding hearts!!)

Sitting in the train, stare at things in out path,
People doing stuff, for their own morning start,

Half an hour up and the journey is over,
Ooops must have dozed off (thank god!!)no drool on my shoulder,

Step out of the train , greet each other again ,
Off to our jobs as the morning journey ends….

Disclaimer for me!!

I wrote a mail to my ex today … a retaliation in a sense to mail sent by him ..decided to post a part of it cause I guess its true and funny as such and those friends who don’t know all the guidelines … here is an official disclaimer* to knowing me

There are a few things you may still not know about me , which I guess is my fault cause you got in the easy way the first time round ....YES I'M TOO MUCH ....
These are some of the guidelines for knowing me, all my friends know them:-
a) when i give respect i expect to get it back
b) i don't like being ordered
c) i will give you a frank opinion when you need to hear it .. no matter what the outcome
d) i love my friends to bits and they know i'll always have their back
e) this does not exclude the fact that i will slap them in their faces when they act like asses and i expect the same from them ...
f) screw me one, twice , thrice ... the fourth time be prepared for war
g) i can be very annoying and demanding at times , but i do make up for it by being sweet, understanding and accomodating as well
h) i will always be there for anyone who really needs me all days 24*7 , but i do expect them to be there at least 24*1 in 365 days
i) don't hurt the people i care about ... i may not always fight , but i will when i need to
j) don't try and understand me .. all you'll get is a migrane or worse .. most of the times i don't understand myself or know where my life is going
k) i don't have the best advice , i make things up as i go along and try to learn from everyones experiences ... that doesn't mean that its crap either ... most times it spot on ...
l) when dealin with me .... imagine your life if i did not exist in it ...if its better, then please eliminate me from yours immediately .... i really don't wanna be responsible for screwed up lives ....
m) finally be prepared for anything when you know me... i guarantee one heck of a ride if nothing else .....

Now you think not just once ... over n over if you must before say another word ...

* disclaimer is subject to additions

What If ??? !!! ;-)

What if our lives were an open book?
And everyone could peek and have a look…

What if little secrets, aren’t as little as they seem?
And people realise it’s a horrible dream …

What if I met a stranger today?
And find out I knew her in a different way …

What if I’m no longer who I am?
And what you see is only a sham …

What if we open doors that we always shut ?
And I wonder what we’ll find all locked up …

What if , what if is my moto these days…
What if what if is the game I play….

Coffee Shop Boy !!!

Once upon a time, met a coffee shop boy …

Coffees I see were his weapons of choice…

Poor little guests, high on caffeine they are…

Unsuspecting souls, to the coffee shop power…

Caffine , more caffine please !!!!

Let me hide the deceptions in reality ..

Stories and lies and alibi’s….

Covered in choco rum ..sweet words and surprises …

Coffee shop boy , I sometimes feel sorry for you …

But then I see again, you do same things with someone new …

Coffee shop boy don’t you feel bad …

Is this the kind of life you wish to have ?

Tell the truth, face the consequences of the lies..

Someday you’ll find, you’ll make the peace inside…

I know you were hurt once long ago..

So were many of us, if you need to know!!!

Its hard I realise to find your way …

When this is what you’re accustomed to these days..

Don’t you want a better life??

A freer one devoid of lies!!!

Do what you have to, to break away..

Start afresh and mend your ways…

Change your name, change your life…

Leave the city, (trust me) you’ll be alright…

I know you well, little coffee boy …

Will let you in on a secret…

I once played game of truth and lies …

PS: Don't think you can pull me back with my book... any untruth makes the rope weaker ...

Note:- This is a post that should have been uploaded in May'08 , though I don't think it makes a difference even if its late...

Losing heart to reality …..

Verse 1
Walking down the sub way today
She kept looking down she stared away
She’s not the girl she used to be..
Seems to be losing heart to reality...

She stands at the station
Waits for the morning train ..
The life she leads, a constant strain ..
Seems to be losing heart to reality …

The train pulls in, she pushes and jumps,
Feels like garbage now, in a garbage dump..
Shoving, choking, need air to breathe..
Seems to be losing heart to reality…

Verse 2
The people she sees
The places she goes
Face upon faces
None of them show

Murals on walls
Penned lines in old diaries
Dreams long ago
Buried secrets, for no one to know

Answers !!!

The answers we look for, we sometimes find in the strangest places.

An epiphany they call it, sudden enlightenment in one moment

What do we do? Do we have the strength to see things we don’t want to?

How hard is the first step? Tough as hell,..right? How important is it ?

We never really understand the values of asking the small questions …

We never really it till we ask them … till we answer them honestly ….

Sometimes we realize that once they are answered ….we need to walk..

Only we can control what we feel , we need to make tough choices ….

Do we walk?...do we just settle for something else, other that what we hoped for? ..

Will settling be settling at all...when the day is through…do we take a chance?

Never look back .... though we turned back many times before...

When to we make these decisions? … Maybe we need to start from today..

‘Carpe Diem’ – we always wait to seize the day ….

The longer we wait …the longer we hide ….

We know its time …when we learn…

Compromise because we want …

Not because we are trained to ….